Forget the Former things. . . I am doing a new thing!

A few months ago, I became obsessed with Isaiah 43:18-19 ^18"Do not [earnestly] remember the former things; neither consider the things of old." ¹⁹"Behold, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs forth; do you not perceive and know it and will you not give heed to it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."
Once this verse was impressed on my heart, I began to see the Lord do that very thing.  Rivers were springing up everywhere in my very dry desert of a life.  Everything He sent was what I needed so desperately to sustain me.  He always does that for His beloved ones.
When I came to the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, MO for my birthday this past May the last song I heard just before I had to leave to catch my flight was, "My Soul Longs for you Lord in a dry a weary land."  Which is taken from Psalm 63:1 "O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you in a dry and weary land where there is no water."
For years I have been in the desert waiting for the Lord to rescue me and take me into the promised land.  I'm not in the promised land yet, just on another, much much more enjoyable portion of the desert.  Our instructor made a point that opened my mind so much on Thursday, that I feel it needs to be shared.  He said that if we look at all the really powerful ministers in the Bible, they spent many years being taught by God in the desert and very little in ministry.  He said if you look at Jesus he spent 30 years in the desert of training for three years of ministry and was crucified at the end of his ministry.  John the Baptist spent 30 years in the wilderness eating locusts and honey for 2 1/2 years of ministry to be be-headed at the end of his ministry.  One of the most famous men in the Bible who got the best deal was Moses.  He had eighty years of life training for 40 years of ministry.  That is rare!  But the poor old man still never got to see the promised land.
Now please hear me, I am not saying this to discourage you or depress you.  I am telling you this because it is a hard truth that I am still grappling with at this very moment.  I have spent so much time feeling that my life has been a waste.  Wondering, what in the world the Lord has been doing with me and feeling as though I've not offered much if anything to the world through my current years of existence on the planet.  The epiphany I had on Thursday was that the majority of my life may not be spent in the Promised Land.  The majority of my life will be spent in the desert getting ready to be the most effective minister of the gospel that I can possibly be. 
See, we are all onions with a trillion layers to be pulled back and dealt with.  Years of junk along with our human flesh that must be crucified with Christ.  No, we shall never be perfect.  Even Paul during his ministry said in Romans 7:14-15, "¹⁴We know that the Law is spiritual; but I am a creature of the flesh [carnal, unspiritual], having been sold into slavery under [the control of] sin.¹⁵For I do not understand my own actions [I am baffled, bewildered]. I do not practice or accomplish what I wish, but I do the very thing that I loathe [^[b]which my moral instinct condemns].
But we all need to get to a place of surrendering to the mercy of God.   Our instructor brought up a beautiful point today in class.  He said that if we would only understand the mercy that we have instead of always striving to repay our debt than we would lead lives without self-pity, pride and condemnation.  If we could just rest in our Heavenly Father's arms and truly understand that we are loved and forgiven and that were have already been pardoned, we would live our lives in a new way. 
We say we are understand it, but I do not think that we really get it in our heart of hearts.  A place of truly understanding God's mercy.  I think that each of us needs to get to that place.  A place of complete surrender in His love for us.  A place where we become passionate for others to know THAT love.  In this place we can be extraordinarily effective in our ministries because we finally understand that this is what it's all about.  It's not about US doing anything.  What it comes down to is what HE did and we are only here to make sure that everyone knows and understand this, so that they may also become powerful ministers.
I am a goal oriented, career desiring woman who has not managed to have a career.  So, I've been sitting in my pool of self-pity believing that until this point, my life has not amounted to what I think it should have.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still struggling with this idea.  I've not fully accepted that I've been absolutely doing what I was called to do for these past few years.  It's hard, I had big dreams.  I shook my fists, cried my eyes out and had all out temper tantrums.  I'm sure that there are still a few in me yet to come. 
My hope in this portion of the desert is that I rid myself of what I thought I should be in this life.  If we all don't understand this we will be miserable in the next season.   I must begin to relinquish these things to God and ask that my heart completely line up with His will 110%.  I desire that all my goals be ones that he has placed in me and that the desire for anything else is taken away. 
These words are hard because there are dreams I've had since I was a small child that have yet to be fulfilled.  What will I do if they never happen?  I have no idea.  I have to believe that God will give me what I need in that time.  I must believe that in my weakness His strength is made perfect.  That's why I am so thankful for His grace and mercy. 
Romans 7: 24-25 ²⁴O unhappy and pitiable and wretched man that I am! Who will release and deliver me from [the shackles of] this body of death?  ²⁵O thank God! [He will!] through Jesus Christ (the Anointed One) our Lord! So then indeed I, of myself with the mind and heart, serve the Law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.
Romans 8:1  ¹THEREFORE, [there is] now no condemnation (no adjudging guilty of wrong) for those who are in Christ Jesus, who live [and] walk not after the dictates of the flesh, but after the dictates of the Spirit.(A)